Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Things My Body Hates

1) Chef Boyardee: A few hours after eating one of the chef's concoctions (or any canned pasta dish for that matter), you'll find me in the bathroom puking my guts up and praying for death every 30 minutes. Frozen spaghetti entrees do the same thing, so I avoid all of them like the plague.

2) Maybelline makeup: Wearing anything from this product line makes my eyelids itch and turn red. Then they dry up and form a lovely layer of white, crusty, dry skin that flakes into my eyelashes. I look like a leper.

3) Watches: Any sort of metal watch makes my wrist breakout in a rash. Luckily, gold bracelets don't do the same thing. The only other relative who had this problem was my grandfather. Just goes to show that I seem to inherit the worst from all sides of my family.

4) The sun: My skin doesn't turn that lovely golden brown. My "tan" is a darker shade of red, more like a burgundy color - or maybe cranberry. Then I freckle. I gave up trying to tan in college, so hopefully, I'll avoid doing any more damage.

5) Pepperoni pizza for supper: Somehow while I sleep, the pepperonis summon the devil, who takes his fiery pitchfork, jabs it into my esophagus and gives it one huge twist.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Frances Nash said...

I'm allergic to jewelry! My ears puff up so I coat my hoops in clear nail polish.

7/06/2005 9:41 PM  
Blogger Carla said...

That's a good idea. I don't have much problems with earrings, but I stick with gold ones. I don't go out and buy all different kinds.

7/06/2005 10:34 PM  
Blogger God said...

So you say the devil creeps into your tummy and jabs you with his pitchfork?

Hmmm...I think I might have to have a word with a certain Mr. Beelzebub.

That's not kosher...not one bit.

7/06/2005 11:52 PM  
Anonymous Necromantic Angel said...

The pitchfork is not a sign of the devil, more like what the church has made it to.

Anyhow,my body hates canned pasta too. The first time i ate one I almost ripped my guts out. Then someone fed me one and didn't know about my allergy and I swear my puke was becoming green when I finaly finished.

7/07/2005 3:29 PM  
Blogger duff said...

allergic to canned pasta? i can't say i've ever heard about that one..... you have my sympathy. (i had cheese ravioli this morning, since i was in too much of a hurry to actually fix something before heading to work this morning.)

7/09/2005 3:15 PM  

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